Giving up
by Cathi
Summary: After loosing to Rafael , Yami looses the most important thing in his life.


Disclaimer: I don't yu-gi-oh, and I don't get money for this.

This is my first yu-gi-oh fanfiction, it's placed after episode 158,

Yami has just lost to Rafael. It's basically Yami angst.

It's no real Slash but may have some slashy moments.

I hope you enjoy it , please review!

**Giving up**

„No!" he screamed again.

„Aibou! Aibou ! Aibou!" his fists hit the ground beneath him again, and again but he didn't care.

_I lost him, my Aibou, my Aibou, my Aibou!_

Tears kept running from his eyes streaming down his face , like they had never done before, he didn't notice it though he din't notice anything.

_Aibou! Aibou!_ He screamed out loud and through his mind link.

But it was useless, no matter how loud he screamed Yuugi wouldn't hear him, would never ever hear him again _his Aibou !_

He didn't stop hammering on the ground , his fists had become bloody because of the sharp rocks,

but he didn't feel the pain, his mind was clouded with another pain so much deeper.

Again he tried to feel the others presence through the link, again he tried to reach the others warmth , and again he failed . He screamed.

He had lost his aibou his light his everything, and it was all because of him.

_No! No! Aibou! Noooo! Please!_

"It should have been me! Oh why wasn't it me!It's not fair!"

He felt so empty , without him , so empty that it hurt more than anything before.

It was more than pain it filled his body his mind and his heart , it burned through every vein of his body so that he almost burst.

Emptyness, infinite emptyness. He just couldn't bear it.

He stopped beating, he stopped crying. "Aibou. . ." he whispered and stood up, moving to the cliff in front of him.

His eyes were blank , like his mind and like his heart, there was nothing to live for without his aibou, nothing.

"Hey!" Jounouchi yelled. He had finally awoken from his shock and noticed what the other Yuugi tried to do.

The pharao couldn't hear him couldn't feel anything at all.

His body was numb and he was going to end it, join his aibou, his light , his everything.

Jou ran up to the pharao and grabbed him just before he would fall.

He tore him closer to the others. "What was that, pal?" he asked but the pharao didn't answer.

He hadn't resisted when Jounouchi saved his life,

he hadn't done anything against it, it didn't matter it was all meaningless, all useless when _he_ wasn't there.

As Jou loosend his grab the pharao fell down immediatley, all strengh floating off his body,

his knees hit the ground limbly with no energy in them followed by his face, eyes still open and still blank.

Now Anzu awoke from her trance and looked down on the pharao.

She stepped forward and kneeled down truning the pharao around. "Yami, yami can you hear me?" she asked.

Honda and Jou followed shaking him trying to wake him trying to get life in these lifeless eyes, a spark or just _anything_.

"Listen, you bastard! Wake up for Gods sake, wake up, you can't do this to Yuugi!

Can't run away, you own Yuugi, you own him! Damn, you Yami wake up!"

Jou shouted and eventually the vitrous eyes focused again.

"Yeah!" Anzu smiled. "You did it, Jou!" Honda said and clapped Jounouchi on the shoulder. But Jou didn't smile.

The blankness had been replaced with total sadness, not that it wasn't better but it was still pretty bad.

He had never seen anybody looking that sad, that hopeless and that lost, if they didn't do anything soon,

Yami would die for sure , because he had lost the will to carry on.

"We have to leave this place and go back, it won't be long till they know that they haven't got the pharaos soul and they'll come back."

Anzu said wearily.

"They come and I'll kick their arses!" Jounouchi shouted angrily.

"You haven't got a chance, Jou, you know that."

"Anzu is right, we have to save us, then we can still plan an attack." Honda added.

"I want to kill these bastards!" Jounouchi contiued shouting but together they managed to calm him down and get him into the car.

Then they carried the pharao and layed him down between Jounouchi und Anzu.

The pharaos eyes were closed now and he seemed to be asleep,

however he seemed to have nightmares because his body was tensed he was sweating and he looked like he was in pain.

"Maybe we should wake him up?" Anzu suggested but Jounouchi shook his head.

"Haven't you seen his eyes? No matter what kind of nightmare he is having, it can't be worse than reality."

"He lost." she said not really knowing why she spoke. It was all so weird.

Yami had used the seal, and then he had sacrificed his creatures and then he had lost.

Not only the duell , but Yuugis soul. Her best friends soul, Yuugis innocent, pure soul.

She saw how the pharao moved,

how he pressed his eyes together and how his body shook from cramps.

How his head moved frantically from side to side and fists became harder

till she could see the white bones.

He was suffering. A lot.

She looked to Jou, who still hadn't said a word.

And like he had sensed her look he looked up.

"I'm so angrey with him. I could kill him as well." then he looked down on Yamis jerking body.

His eyes softend.

"But seeing him like this. . . I don't think he sold Yuugi or anthing,

probably it was just Yuugi that fool who wanted to sacrifice himself.

Damn.

I mean, look at him now, the proud brave pharao crying, screaming. . . " he stopped and looked away.

Silently he added ". . .wanting to die. . .I think he had been punished enough." Anzu nodded and took Yamis hand.

"But what will we do now?" Jounouchi shrugged.

"Dunno. The only one who can beat Dartz is Yami. But I don't think he is able to in the moment."

he smiled and layed his hand on Yamis forhead. "Hang in there pal." he muttered.

When Yami finally awoke it was like he was pushed from one nightmare to another.

He was pushed out of this dark and strange nightmare

where he had dreamt of Yuugi being tortured and him standing there unable to help his Aibou,

and awoke in a cold darkness in absolute loneliness.

he had never felt so lonely in his whole life,

his mind wanted break the loneliness seemed to tear his soul apart the need for warmth for light. . .

Then it suddenly came back to his mind.

The battle. The seal. And his aibou. He screamed and ripped his eyes open.

Anzu was stratled then pushed him back to his seat.

"It's okay. . ." she said, Jounouchi helped her and tried to soothe him.

"Don't worry. We can work it out, just calm down."

Yami would have been suprised how calm Yugis friends were,

but he wasn't able to realize anything, too deep was his pain.

"Listen," Jounouchi said. "You have to pull yourself togehter, Yuugi isn't lost yet, we can still save him,"

"Dartz is too powerfull it's useless it's all useless!"

Yami answered, his eyes distant and his voice hollow.

"You can beat him, Yami, you are th king of the games, if you can't noone can." Anzu added.

But Yami didn't listen he just moved his head from one side to the other his eyes getting vitrous again.

"I can't beat him, I'm too weak. . . My aibou died invain, "

Jou slapped him in his face.

"Come to your damn mind!" he said. Yamis expressionless face didn't change.

Hollowly he continued. "He died invain. He died invain, I failed him, he died invain, "

another slap this time from Anzu.

"Knock it off!"

"Invain , he " and Jounouchi slapped him in his face again and again untill Yami finally stopped repeating this sentence.

He grabbed him hard.

"Listen. Yuugi isn't dead. He Is not. And he will not. As long as we fight. It's up to us, to you to save him,

he trusts you ,"

. . . _I trust you __mou hitori no boku_ . .

"Nooo!"

Yami struggled to break free from his friends grab.

"He was mistaken! I failed him!" Jou hit him again.

"Damn, Pharao, for the last time: Pull yourself togeher for Yuugis sake." Yami sniffed but slowly regained controll. He gulped.

A bit unsteady but more in his normal voice he answered. "Sorry."

And Jounouchi and Anzu smiled. It was a start.

Later:

_You have some strange friends, aibou, well ,not aibou but Yuugi, I'm not worthy calling you my partner. . ._

_They never give up hope no matter what happens and they stick together and try their best._

_You know what Jounouchi said? He said that I am their friend, too, and that they'll take care of me._

_I miss you._

_Strange fellows, like you are, my light, my sun , my world . They believe so much in it that you get infected and start to believe it, too._

_I miss you so much. I'm so empty. So lost without you. _

_I need you._

_I never thought I'd need anybody that much. I need your laughter, your sweet smile, your cute looks, I need you braveness_

_and your believe in the good. I need you mocking me. I just need to feel you, feel your warmth again, your pure soul,_

_your bright spirit. They ripped us appart and they stole my other half. Mou hitori no boku ._

_Now I know why you are calling me that._

_My other half. . . I feel so incomplete so lonely like they spilt my soul crushed it to pieces._

_Will you ever forgive me? My light, my live, my universe. Will you ever forgive me betraying you?_

_I will save you, I promise you that. No matter what happens, I will save you, I will I must, I have to!_

_And then I leave you alone, for I am unworthy to be near you, my angel._

_I should have protected you but I endangered you. _

_I love you. I love you more than anything , anything on the world, anything I could ever think of._

_I will save you my angel, I swear to the gods , that I will save you._


End file.
